


What Can Never Be

by KatesBrain



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 06:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11823516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatesBrain/pseuds/KatesBrain
Summary: Things come to a head for Merlin and Arthur.- originally posted Oct 2008





	What Can Never Be

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: This is a bittersweet and completely self-indulgent little thing. Blame the BBC, because I just know they'll tease us and tease us, but it will never be!  
> Also, unbeta'd as I'm a lazy so-and-so. Please feel free to point out any mistakes. XD

**

"I didn't say you could go."

It had been four days. Four days since Arthur had heard about his increasingly frequent visits to Gwen. Four days since Arthur had gone back to being haughty and just damn awkward.

"But, I've finished," Merlin pleaded. After spending the past few hours in Arthur's company, he needed a break. He needed to talk to Gwen. She understood. She would listen and tell him it was all right, that he could feel this way. She would give him the strength he needed to carry on in Arthur's service, even though it hurt to know he would be nothing more than a manservant. "Everything has been put away. You're dressed and ready. I'll be back later."

" _I_ say when you're finished. Right now, you're to come with me and wait while I sort out the details of next week's tournament."

"But you don't need me there."

"Enough, Merlin! You are my servant. It is not your place to go swanning around Camelot whenever it pleases you."

Merlin closed his eyes briefly and gritted his teeth. It had been a mistake, he hastily told himself. The other side to Arthur that he had witnessed – the nobler, caring and more human side – had been nothing more than a lie, an aberration. This was the real prince. This stubborn prat was the real man. Any feelings that Merlin had were only directed towards a fantasy, an illusion that had been flashed before him before dissolving into nothing.

Looking up at Arthur once more, Merlin knew that this was just wishful thinking. His gut still reacted, twisting deep inside. He hated his prince, yet, he also wanted him more and more each day.

Something stirred across Arthur's face, followed by a taut sneer.

"I order you to stop seeing Gwen."

"What?"

"You heard me. You…" Arthur faltered uncharacteristically. "You're not here to socialise. I can't have you turning up when it suits you, and I can't have you in my rooms insipidly happy over a fling that cannot be. It will not be. You're here to be of service to me. You will not have time to invest in a relationship—"

"But—" Merlin began, attempting to explain, yet again, that it wasn't like that with Gwen.

"No! I have a duty to this kingdom, to my father. When I marry, it will be for the benefit of Camelot. I have no option of romancing anyone I please, and I will not have you flaunting your ill-conceived relationship. It's thoughtless and distasteful."

"You're jealous because you think Gwen and I are involved?"

"Jealous? How dare you!"

"Yes, jealous. You think I'm happy with Gwen, that I'm with someone I've chosen. You hate that. So you _ban_ me from seeing her?"

"It's because your duties lie with me. Your time belongs to me. Your happiness doesn't even come into it."

"Well, that's all right then," Merlin spat as he felt the fury building inside. "I'm glad you don't care whether I'm happy. I never will be, and do you know the real reason why? It's because I'll never have _you_. Instead, I'm forced to be in your presence day in, day out, and I know you'll never look at me the way I see you."

Arthur stared at him speechless, and Merlin knew he had said too much. Nausea washed over him and he bolted for the door.

**

"Merlin."

"Go away."

Merlin sat shaking on his bed, knees drawn up to his chin and arms curled defensively around his legs. Every so often Gaius would knock and call through the door to him, obviously concerned at his frantic entrance earlier that nearly sent both Gaius and his science books flying.

"Merlin, you have a visitor."

The sensation that he would be sick at any moment resurfaced as the door opened and Arthur entered. Arthur's face was unreadable, and Merlin wondered what had possessed him to undermine his destiny with such an emotional outburst.

"Please don’t sack me again," Merlin said in a small, desperate voice.

"I don't intend to," Arthur said softly, taking Merlin by surprise. "But you must understand—"

"Yes, I do. You are a prince, my master, and I am nothing more than your manservant. I'm not a complete idiot. An idiot, maybe, but not a complete one." Merlin shook his head, still not quite believing that Arthur didn't intend to banish him from the kingdom that instant.

"I won't disagree with you there," Arthur muttered, giving him a tentative smile.  

"I guess I'm hardly princess material." This earned him a stilted chuckle from Arthur and he looked down awkwardly to study the frayed material on one of his sleeves, adding, "God, I feel like such a fool."

"Merlin, I _do_ wish things were different."

Merlin glanced up again, confused at the depth of sincerity in Arthur's voice. An intense gaze greeted him, unnerving him and sending the butterflies in his stomach into a frenzy.  

Then before he realised what was happening, Arthur strode forward and placed a brief, fond kiss on the corner of Merlin's mouth. By the time this event had fully registered in Merlin's brain, Arthur was already making his way to the door.

Stepping halfway out of Merlin's room, Arthur turned back to face him. "Take a couple of days off," he said, his voice tinged with regret. "Clear your head – let me clear mine, as well. Come back to me, as my servant, when you're ready."

***


End file.
